This past week I've really started to feel like myself again.
I still don't feel like I'm 100%, but definitely headed in the right direction.
I am not feeling as overwhelmed. Kearyn is sleeping pretty good at night. Chip is home right after school now. I have been planning and making dinners. The laundry is pretty much under control.
This past weekend Chip had a Master's class and I didn't even have an anxiety attack. I even got all 3 kiddos and myself ready and to church on Sunday by myself!!! Huge accomplishment (even though I was beat and slightly frazzled by the time we walked through the doors). But God is good, and the message was just what I needed to hear.
See the thing is this: I have been super impatient with the boys, especially Caleb. Now I'm not saying that they aren't doing things to warrant this response (oh believe me). But lately I've been feeling that I'm not acting like the mother I really want to be (and feel like I am in my heart). My prayer is that God will grant me tender mercies this week, that I will be able to look past the imperfections and annoyances and see the sweet hearts of my babes. That I would be able to show them the same grace that God shows me daily. That I will start getting back to enjoying motherhood and not just surviving it (which is what the past 6 weeks has felt like).
Chip is done with the school year next week and we are looking forward to the summer vacation. Of course Chip still has Master's classes and I have summer soccer, but with Chip off during the days, we have lots of time to do stuff like go to the park and the river, get donuts for breakfast, Slurpee runs, play in the yard, etc. We also wanted to get a fire pit for the backyard so we can roast marshmallows with the boys at night. We have only one big out of town trip planned this summer. But it's a doozy. We will be going to Maui for a whole week with my parents and family friends in August!! We can't wait. It will be so fun to watch the boys play at the beach and the resort we are going to has the coolest pool area for kids. It will be great timing to finish off the summer before life kicks into high gear again (Chip back to school, Caleb to Kindergarten, official fall league soccer will start, Caleb's hockey...) Eeekk, I don't want to think about that yet.
So here's to going forward. To hopefully becoming an even better mother than I was before all this, while allowing myself some room for the imperfections (so don't judge me too harshly if you see me grocery shopping with all three kiddos, I can tell you with certainty it will not be my best moment).
4 comments:
I had to laugh at the grocery shopping part. I don't even like grocery shopping with one of my kids! Good to hear you are feeling better. I know what you mean about not feeling like you are acting like the mother that you want to be. I'm always glad for a new day and a fresh start. :)
I came across your page a few weeks ago and find it so encouraging! We brought our baby #3 home about 10 weeks ago. I cried at the very thought of my husband returning to work that first week with her. I'm not sure if it becomes easier to parent 3 children with time, or if we simply acclimate to the chaos. :) Thanks for sharing your heart and your experiences...you are certainly not alone in them. -Heather
Now I just didn't have a baby, but my kids have been testing me lately too, and I feel the patience leaving me. Like when Peyton through a fit in Target because she wanted Tic-Tacs or when she ran from me in the store and hid, and pretty much gave me a panic attack as I was guarding the exits to make sure no one took her :) Anyways you are doing GREAT--that is what I have to keep telling myself. I am glad your life is getting back to normal, and I hope you ENJOY your summer. We have no big plans, but still looking forward to random trips etc.
you are an excellent mom, we all go through the times that we are a little short tempered with our kids, then we feel so bad after when they are peacefully sleeping in their beds, but you just have to say I will do better tomorrow, that's what I have to do, good luck, you are doing great!
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