How Pregnancy Stole my FUNNY

Last night I turned to Chip and asked him "do you think I'm funny anymore?"
Him: "where did that come from?" (gave me a look that said I've officially lost my mind-a recent theme?).
Me: "did you get the email I sent you this morning?...it was funny right?"
Him: "yeah, that was funny."
Me: "Oh, well that's good, at least it's not completely gone."
Him: kisses me on the forehead and rolls over to go to sleep.

See, here's the thing. I usually consider myself a pretty humorous person. Albeit, sometimes it is dry and possibly not everyone 'gets it.' But you other funny people do and that is enough for me most of the time.

Now I have to actually think hard in order to write something with wit and character on your blog comments and facebook status'. {gasp} This is most upsetting to me. And then I worry that any comments meant to be be dry in a funny way, may come off wrong (like in an abrupt and unfunny way). And then people would think of me as your un-nice friend, or strange, and that is definitely not funny.

Things are looking up a bit though. I thought my own FB status about Team USA hockey beating Canada at their own game was pretty good (did you read it?...did you also think it was funny? or maybe only people who follow hockey appreciated it?) See here I am second guessing myself again.

And then there was the story a few weeks back about me peeing my pants? Was that funny or just embarrassing?

Oh and lets not forget about the email response to Chip yesterday. Or was he just saying that so that we could stop discussing it? hmmmmm...

Maybe I should just switch to writing emotional posts through the end of this pregnancy? Like last week's? Because what I'm lacking in humour I am definitely making up for in the emotional instability department. But while it is refreshing to get some of that off my chest, I don't really think everyone else should be subject to reading the equivalent of my emotional throw-up.

Maybe I should just start posting pictures? (But that requires remembering to take pictures and then the slow process of downloading them to the computer and then tediously uploading them to blogger).

Are you worried for my mental health? or my children's?
Are you regretting ever starting to read this post in the first place?

But the biggest question remains:

Do you think my quick wit will return with my waistline?

Much Better...

Just thought I'd throw you all a little update just in case you thought I might have started wearing all black and drawing my blinds during the day.

Your wonderful well wishes
+
A great Ash Wednesday message at church
+
the boyos actually sleeping somewhat better
+
sunshiny weather

have made me feel much better

(maybe I should bottle this feeling up and save it for the next trying day)
Cause let's be honest, there will be more. And some days will be brilliant with blessings and others will be rotten and retched. Such is the life of a mother.

But the fact remains that I love these little monsters of mine.

The Night/Day I Officially Lost My Mind

Yup.

Apparently that day is today.


I had planned to write something really nice today and post some pictures. But somewhere between 1 and 2 am last night it was lost (like my mind).


Drayson (and his crib) are now full time inhabitants of Caleb's room--so I guess that officially makes it Caleb & Drayson's room (did I mention it's also a room of coughs & runny noses?). I've been dreading this day like the plague. It has not disappointed. If I've lost you, here's the bottom line: we haven't been getting a whole lot of sleep. If it's not Drayson, it's Caleb--and last night it was both + Caleb's dog Benny. I couldn't do it anymore. I pleaded for Chip to go (even though I knew he had a huge day at school today, not to mention a crazy rest of the week that includes a weekend long master's class). So throw some guilt on top as well. He went and worked his Daddy magic (in the patient way that he does). *Add more guilt.* All I could do was lay there with my pillow over my head and think "I am in way over my head" "how am I going to handle another?" "where did this train jump the track?" "am I a bad mother?" "how do other people make it seem so easy?" (and all the other crazy things your sleep deprived brain conjures up at 2am).


But, when I woke up this morning, the heavy feeling had not disappeared. I may officially be in a funk. A pre-partum? funk. My list from the night before of everything I was going to accomplish today sat laughing at my from the counter. Even when I turned it over--it stilled laughed and mocked me. So today my house has sat in a sad state of disarray (that happens to match my sad un-showered state of disarray). I even left my house in such a state to take Caleb to preschool (a definite low point for me). My children have for the most part endlessly tortured each other and me. And just because I am complaining, let's add 1 more thing to the list: I wish we had shed-less dogs (or possibly no dogs at all).


And I wish I could say I was one of those people who doesn't care and let myself off the hook. But then I just feel like a guilty failure.


During a blissfully quiet part of the day when Caleb was at preschool and Drayson was asleep I was uploading pictures to the computer. And I almost felt as if I was coming out of my fog. I could see all the bright spots that I know in my heart I have been blessed with. Remembered that just last week I was feeling good and prepared and excited. And I sanely thought to myself: all of this is just hormones and lack of sleep. And I almost felt OK with it all.


But then Caleb came home from preschool and started in his sassy way of his (that has recently became his full time MO). And Drayson was doing his whiny cry when he can't get exactly his way--and I felt my patience and my mind just run away all over again.


Now I am asking myself why I have written this? How awful? How ungrateful I must sound. Will I ever want to look back and remember feeling this way? But for some reason I know I am going to push that 'publish post' button when I am done. Because when I started this blog I wanted it to depict my life--my real life--not just the high points.

I pray that my mind returns swiftly. And until then I will try and remember:

this

and this

this smile

how adorable she will be in this

and how this will never stop melting my heart

In the meantime, maybe you could all say a quick prayer of perseverance for me?

My Bladder + 3 babies

Last night we were over at my parents watching the Super Bowl.

Drayson and Parker were taking turns giving "the belly" raspberries.

Drayson apparently took exception to Parks giving his mama & sis that much attention.

Drays pushes Parker.

Parker full-mouth bites Drayson on the head.

Both boys start to freak out.

Everyone is finding it pretty hysterical.

Then it becomes unclear weather Parker is going to bite my arm or eat my baby (like an Australian Dingo).

Chip is doing this insane reenactment of Parker biting Drays.

And then it really became too much for my bladder to handle.

I tried to run, I really did, but I realized too late that I had drank too much water without a potty break.

And that was the first official time I wet myself in public since I was a wee girl (pun intended).

Ok, I may have peed myself a little while coaching that double overtime game in Wenatchee after we won on a header goal with 15 seconds remaining. (but not like this).

Dang all these babies.

Guess I need to get going on my Kegels.

Happy 28 weeks to me.