Freedom

Today I drove my car for the very first time since Kearyn was born.

Crazy right?. When was the last time I went 4 weeks without driving? Before I had my license? Maybe when I got that really good parking spot in the U-district when I was going to school in Seattle? They tell you to wait 2 weeks to drive after a C-section. My friend told me her Doc told her she should wait until she was completely sure she could slam on her brakes hard!

One of the other issues involved in the whole leaving the house business is that I can't go alone. I've needed constant help, because I wasn't cleared to pick up anything heavier than basically Kearyn (~10lbs). So no baby in the carrier, no stroller, you get the idea. Which means I had to have a Game Plan as to how this morning would work out. Kassie came over to pick up the boys. I got her to put Kearyn and her carrier and also the stroller into the car for me.

Then we hit the road. I remember thinking two things. 1. Yay. I still remember how to drive. and 2. Wow. I really love my car. (real deep I know).

This is where it got tricky. How was I going to get Kearyn, not to mention the stroller out of the car? How would I get them back in? So get this. My mom met me in the parking lot of the doctor's office. Got out the stroller, popped Kearyn's carrier in for me. And then off Kearyn and I went. "Call me after your appointment so I can come back and help you get into the car" were my mom's parting words. (aren't moms great?) But really? How pathetic is that? "help you into the car?" I was officially lame.

We went into the office, where the Dr. told me I was healing well, etc, etc. and everyone told me how adorable my baby was (well Duh!). He tells me I can start working back towards normal daily activities.

Then he cleared me to pick up Kearyn + infant carrier!!

Let me tell you. I strutted out of that office with my head held high. I wheeled my precious cargo out to the car and loaded her and the stroller up all by myself. Like a Big. Girl. (like I might just have 3 children, 1 husband, 2 dogs & 1 home relying on me). Then we drove by the shop to surprise my mom. She then snuggled Kearyn while I hopped next door to the book store to pick up a book. I left with not just the novel I've been wanting to read (The Forgotten Garden, Kate Morton), but also The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman (because I've been wanting to do something more meaningful than watch DVR'd episodes of Castle with my hubby at night and what better time than now to get reconnected emotionally). The other book: Parenting Isn't For Cowards, by Dr. James Dobson (because Caleb is driving me up a wall right now, and I will read or do anything that might help our "hassled" situation here at the house).

Then I picked myself up a chocolate glazed Spudnut. Swung by and picked up Kearyn and then headed over to Gma Janes to pick up my boys. Came home, unloaded them all by myself. But the 2 little lovies down for naps and sent Caleb out to play.

It's amazing what a little fresh air & freedom can do.

ps> this could be the most random post I've ever written. I'm not entirely sure what prompted me to do it. But I'm not deleting it now. So if you're still reading, please don't leave me & my blog forever, I promise I will come up with something more exciting for next time.

pps> I blame the hormones.

Is it that time already?: End of the year Teacher Gifts

Tomorrow is Caleb's preschool graduation. He has had two great years with his two wonderful teachers. And I wanted to come up with some especially cute teacher's gifts. I got this idea from the Disney Fun & Family magazine that has mysteriously started appearing in our mail. I tweaked their idea a bit (ps. I think ours is cuter)!

The "thanks" flowers are actually little 'envelopes' and will have Starbuck's gift cards tucked into them.
Then I decided to use the same template to make a flat flower that we pasted a picture of Caleb onto from the class' trip to the pumpkin patch last fall.
My sis who is a primary teacher by trade gives her stamp of approval!
(in case that matters to you at all :)

Maybe you'd like to steal this idea?

For detailed instructions, go here!

Life with Three

"How is it being the mother of 3?"

If I had a dollar for every time I have been asked this in the last 3 weeks, I would be one happy mama (and if I could actually drive myself somewhere to spend those dollars I would be even happier).

In a word. It has been crazy! Mostly I have been operating in a fog.

Recovering from major surgery (check), anemia (check), lack of sleep (check), nursing baby every 2-3 hours (check), trying to roll out of bed long enough to get some sort of food for the other children (check), changing Drayson diapers against his will (check), listening to a strong-willed Caleb try and run the show all day long (check), trying to break up Caleb & Drayson scuffles (check), finding the phone in order to call someone to come and get the boys so I don't strangle them (check).

praying for patience, strength & grace (double check).

Please take note that I did not list taking regular showers or dressing myself in anything other than sweats/pj pants. My straightener and make up are lost somewhere in the back of the vanity it has been so long since I used them. Some days I forget to brush my teeth (yup I just admitted that). Dirty dishes sit in my sink until Chip or my mother takes pity on them. Same goes for the clothes in the hamper. And don't even look at my floors (very convenient timing that this is when the dogs are shedding their winter coat and all).

I am not usually a "woe is me, pity party kinda gal." I've always believed that you just "suck it up and play the hand you're dealt." But if I have ever been bordering on my breaking point it is now. There have been times in these last weeks that have nearly brought me to my knees, times that I just want to yell "mercy." When I shared these thoughts with Chip and asked him in a state of panic: "what if it gets to the point that I just can't do it?"

And he looked over at me and calmly said: "you do it, because there was never any choice not to do it. I didn't marry a quitter, I married you."

And he was right. Even though it seems easier sometimes to not be that person. And when I woke up this morning, I prayed again for patience and for calm. And decided to get to it. I got right out of bed after nursing the babe. I got the boys breakfast and started a load of wash with Drayson's help. I put Kearyn down for a nap (and she obliged me). Got the boys dressed. Did the dishes. Threw in another load of wash. Caught up on some soccer email. I've been more productive in 3 hours than I have been in 3 days. And it feels pretty good.

And I'm glad I did it, because in all honesty it might all go south this afternoon, the train may literally jump the track over here in the very near future. And I may need to borrow Caleb's bike helmet (because I might be driven to bang my head against the wall). But at least I'll have this morning to hold onto. When I pretended things were normal again.

Oh, yeah. I'm even planning on getting that shower today.

Wish me luck.

2 Weeks!

And we couldn't love her more.

Besides being the prettiest girl ever (in my always humble opinion of course). She is such a good baby. During the day she is on a 2 1/2 hr to 3 hr loop of feeding/wake/sleeping. And at night she usually goes one 5 hr chunk at least (I fear I may be jinxing myself by writing this out loud). She hardly fusses at all and loves to look around and let her brothers love on her.

Kearyn's Birth Story: Part 2

After that first cry, the next hour was lost for me. I guess they got me stitched up and back together. Turns out I lost a fair amount of blood. And besides having to recover from major abdominal surgery I would be fighting anemia and all its fun side affects (dizziness, headaches, tiredness). Yuck. While I was out, Kearyn was checked out, OKed and passed off to Chip who loved on her until I rejoined the real world. She "milked me" immediately (Chip's words) and hasn't seemed to stop since.

For the first 24 hours or so I was thinking I didn't have it so bad. That's what happens when you are immobile and still being heavily medicated. As soon as they had me get out of bed for the first time, I was this close to begging the nurse to reinsert my catheter and let me be for the next 2 weeks. The pain. It was hell. The anemia was dragging me down even more. I started to freak out. How would I be well enough to go home and take care of my children?.

We finally left the hospital Saturday morning. I was feeling slightly better by this point. But no less afraid of what the next several weeks held for me. I cannot tell you how blessed I am to have my family close. During the times Chip couldn't be at the house, either my mom or my sister stayed with me. Chip's sister Kassie took both boys during the days. People brought food. I basically fed Kearyn, fed myself, drank protein shakes, and napped. Doesn't sound so hard, but I was exhausted.

Now in the weeks leading up to me being the mother of 3 children, I had thought about/stressed a lot of things. Never did I consider not being able to pick up my sweet Drayson for 6 long weeks. That means, not putting him in/taking him out of his crib (you should see what I've jury rigged up in that department...it involves a step stool and a bar stool). I also did not consider not being able to drive myself (but now I realize I don't really want to leave the house by myself with these 3 crazies yet anyways). Also not considered: scooting around like a 95 year old lady with arthritis, not being able to cough/sneeze without severe pain, not being able to do the most lame of chores,...and the list goes on.

I am not the only one adjusting. Chip has taken on my household duties as well as his own. He has done at least twice as many Kearyn and Drayson diapers in the past week. He "shuttles" the baby back and forth to me in the middle of the night for feedings. Both boys are in love with their sister. The biggest surprise is how much Drays loves his sister. Like nearing obsession. He wants to hold her and kiss her all.the.time. He hasn't shown any sort of jealousy...yet. Here's hoping this warm and fuzzy feeling stays forever (not holding my breath). He is sad that I can't hold him, the other morning he cried and I cried. It was so very sad. But for the most part we are good.

Long story short, this is definitely not how I imagined all of this going. And I would be lying if I didn't say I was a little bitter over it. But I will be forever thankful for modern medicine. For our beautiful and healthy daughter. For this life God has blessed me with (the easy and the hard). I feel ready to move into a new chapter in life. One where I am done bearing children and I just get to concentrate on rearing them. Our family feels complete. And I am happy.

Kearyn's Birth Story: Part 1

I've finally decided to sit down and write Kearyn's birth story. This was so totally different than the boys' births. Maybe I was a little full of myself, thinking I was some kind of 'labor rockstar.' Maybe this was God's way of saying: "Sara, you can not do it all on your own." If this experience has taught me anything it is this:
I must lean...on God, on family, on friends. I must say yes to help and not feel badly about it.

On Tuesday, April 27th we went in to get this little lady jump started and on her way. Now, in my heart I knew she would not be born until the 28th. We hung out for a couple hours waiting on our doctor who was taking care of an ambulance call that had come in. At 4:30pm I sent Chip on his way to coach his soccer game at 5pm and my mom came to sit with me (I know, I know, I am the coolest wife ever-not to mention a hard core soccer junkie). They broke my water at 6pm, but nothing much was happening. By the time Chip arrived back at the hospital they had started me on a petocin drip. As we approached midnight, I could see that we were in for the long haul and opted for the epidural. We labored through the night. 5cm, 6cm, 7cm....7cm. I was stuck. And at that moment in my heart I knew something was not quite right. At about 8am, my doctor showed up to check on me surprised that he had not been paged and roused from sleep in the middle of the night to deliver a baby. He checked me again, he looked confused, saying that the head felt strange. He'd like to check with the ultrasound machine. Turns out baby girl's "head" was actually her shoulder. She was transverse. Dr. H and my wonderful nurse Kathy exchanged looks and my heart fell. I knew what that look meant, it would be a C-section this time for me. And I felt defeated.

So after laboring for 14 long hours, the room was abuzz, prepping me for surgery. They would need to make a vertical incision in my uterus instead of horizontal to have room to remove baby girl. I was shaking with nerves. My head and eyes were fuzzy with sleeplessness and exhaustion. They wheeled me into the OR. I remember shaking so bad and they gave me something that made me even woozier. I remember dry heaving and them giving me something for that. Chip says I asked several questions...I don't remember. I do remember when they pulled her out and she wasn't crying. And they took her to the table and suctioned her and she still wasn't breathing. And all I could see was her little legs not moving and all I heard was silence because she wasn't wailing like she should be. And finally, praise God, the sweetest sound I've ever heard...her first cry.

Stay tuned for: Part 2

Has it really been a week?

Last week at this very moment I was laboring away.

So that this sweet little gal could join our family.

And now we couldn't imagine life without her.