A Year Already?

Today is Miss Kearyn's 1st Birthday. I can hardly believe it has been a year since I packed my bag and left for the hospital to bring this tiny girl into our family. So much has happened since that day. For both our family and for Kearyn. It's hard for me to believe that she won't have memories of our old house, all her memories will start right here in this house. It is so fun to watch her learn something new everyday. Of course I think she is brilliant and beautiful, but help us, does she have an attitude on her. Some of her many talents include:

walking for the past month

waves hi and bye

blows kisses

climbs everything

says "hi-eee", dog, mama, dad, brother, love you, nigh-nigh

loves to wrestle with brothers and daddy

has four teeth and breaking four more-ugh!

is an uh-mazing sleeper

eats everything in sight

One of my most favorite times of the day is first thing in the morning. She wakes up so happy. I can hear her in her crib babbling to herself and playing with her lovies and dollies. I love the way her room smells like her, I wish I could just bottle it up. And its all warm from the heater and the sun pushes through her curtains. She gives me her best smile and "hi-eee." I lean over the side of her crib and she hands me all her best toys one at a time. Then she reaches up her arms and I pull her out and we snuggle. Just me and her. And I just breathe her in. And she is so stinking happy. And it is just what we both need before brothers rush in and hungry tummies need fed and the day swallows us up. Man, I love her.

I'm Here...Somewhere beneath all the toys & wrapping paper

So it looks like Toys R us had a little too much Egg Nog at Target's Christmas party and threw up on our house.

Literally.

Good thing this little lady started crawling this week. At least she'll be able to get out from under it all.

The boys made out like bandits as always. Even though we only got them 2 gifts a piece and Santa kicked in one. The grandmas just can't seem to control themselves. And you know, when I'm a grandma, I probably won't be able to either.

Love this one of all my most special people. I always knew he'd be a great daddy, but he just keeps proving it over and over again.

Speaking of good dads...I think we've got one in the making. At least he is feeding Dolly the bottle in this pic--there was a little confusion (and a lot of hilarity) when he pulled up his shirt to nurse her...


I crafted my butt off this year. And these couldn't have been a bigger hit with the grandparents. And it's a good thing because do you have any idea how long it takes to cut out one of those heads (x3 kids, x5 sets of grand/great-grands).

Lots of snuggles with family. Love this one of my mama and girlie.

and this one of my mister and our princess


And my oldest baby--who is far from it and more of a little man.


Hard to beleive last year she was kicking me in the ribs. Can't imagine our family without this sweet gal. She is starting to develop her own personality. Loves to laugh, smile, wave, clap and eat!


And after all was said and done. A good family photo--and everyone is smiling.
It really is a Christmas Miracle!

And now I'm going to go wade through the mess to find myself a sugar cookie.

And Now You Know

Do you have something that you haven't shared with many people? I do.
Here it is from the beginning.

When I found out last September that I was expecting again we were shocked, nervous & obviously excited. But there was something else. I was terrified. Terrified that something would happen to the baby, to me, to Chip, to the boys. You get the idea. Driving over the bridge I would always think "how will I get all of us out in time if we go over into the river?" It was pretty intense. And no one else seemed to share my feelings (I guess they didn't have crazy hormones coursing through their bodies/brains either). I started to feel a little crazy and so I just stopped telling anyone. Maybe it was because we already had 2 healthy babes. Who was I to ask for more?

And then we went for our 20 week ultrasound. I was convinced they would tell me I was having another boy. And I did not want to be disappointed over that. So I just kept telling myself, "as long as the baby is healthy it does not matter." And when the ultrasound tech told us just 5 minutes into it that we would indeed be having a girl, I almost died. So freaking ecstatic! And then I think I just sat there with this perma grin on my face for the next 45 minutes. Itching to get out of there and go buy something ridiculously frilly. For that 45 minutes I was in heaven, at peace, not thinking of any of the things that could be wrong or that I had obsessed over for the earlier 20 weeks.

While we waited for the Dr. to come in and chat with us, we laughed and talked and dreamed.

But when he came in he was all business. He wanted to show us a spot on the scans near her heart that could be an indicator for Downs. He didn't want me to worry, but could you please go downstairs and give blood so we can test for yada, yada, yada. The test should be back in a few days, in the meantime, don't give it another thought, this is just a precaution. Chip seemed to accept this. I on the other hand did not.

They drew my blood. We got in the car. And I lost it. Lost it. Chip tried to console me, but there is just no way he could understand what I was feeling. I had known there was something wrong. Everybody just poo-pooed it away. But I had known!

People started calling/texting. All wanting to know the sex of the baby. I made Chip talk to all of them. I should have been texting every single last person I knew, screaming it from the roof tops "I got my girl!" But I was trapped in a fog of confusion, worry & self-centeredness. We decided not to tell anyone until the test came back (except for a few family members and very dear friends). No need to worry everyone.

I did not go out that very day and buy her the sweet dress I had dreamed of. I played the "life is changed forever game" for the next 5 days. No prom, no wedding, no regular girl stuff. That was just the surface of my worries. Self-pity, what about our plans for when the kids were raised and gone? Self-doubt, how could I handle this, a child with severe disabilities, sometimes I could barely handle the two completely healthy quote un-quote "normal" children I had already. What about life expectancy, my deepest fear come to be; one of my sweet babies leaving this earth before me. Gut wrenching.

It was like I was living a lie. I felt like I might burst and spew all of these things on the next person who called to say "Congrats, I heard it was a girl."

And when 'the day' arrived. And I heard the phone ring. And finally it was the doctor's office on my caller-ID, I curled up in a little ball on the floor to listen to the news that I was convinced would change my life forever.

"Mrs. Elfering, your test came back negative, there is nothing to be concerned about."

And I sobbed. But I couldn't let it go. The feelings I had all along. They stayed with me for the duration of my pregnancy. Nagged at me for 20 long weeks. Robbing me of the absolute crazy amazing joy I should have been feeling. An always present whisper that said "something is still wrong." It took me weeks until I made my first baby purchase.

We were scheduled to be induced on April 27th. But after 15 long hours of labor, I just would not progress past a 7. Some where around hour 8 my mind started going crazy. Something was wrong. Ultrasound showed baby was transverse, we would need a C-section. And you know most of the rest if you read this post and this post. What you didn't know was that when she came out and she wasn't breathing, the one coherent thought I made and can actually remember was "I was so worried about her not being perfect and now she is dead."

But she wasn't. And when I woke up out of my induced haze, I think I still expected to find a little girl with almond shaped eyes and a flat nose starting back at me. But I didn't. She is as close to perfect as they come. You know what though, even if I had woken up to a little girl with Down's, I hoped I would have thought that she was perfect too.

So when I stumbled upon this blog last month, it squeezed something in my heart and shook something in my soul. Read Nella's birth story here. I can't get enough of her blog, her pictures, her outlook on life. I wait patiently for more sweet pictures of the smiley girl with the squinty eyes. I can't help but think that could have been us. I hope I could have still been a good mom even in a difficult situation.

How silly of me to wait for so long to buy my baby her first pretty dress. What exactly did I think she would wear? Can only perfect babies wear pretty dresses? How naive I was. How ashamed I am for the things I thought. But you see? No one is perfect. Not me, not even my Miss Kearyn. We all have room for improvement. This will grow me and teach me. It will make me a better mother, a more compassionate human being. It already has.

And here's the thing. I thought I knew. And again I am humbled. Because I realize again, what I should have known all along. Only He knows.

Happy Halloween

What do a Ninja, a Monkey, and a Duck have in common?

Not a darn thing...

...but they sure we're cute!

I have a feeling most of my week will be spent keeping the kids out of 'their' candy. They seem to think it belongs to them, since people gave it to them. And they don't appreciate me limiting their intake. Same thing happens at Easter (since you know, they found it).

Let's just keep the feel good rollin'...

These last couple of days have been great.

Full of fun and memories, and "firsts"

First Kindergarten field trip (pumpkin patch)

First hockey goal

Drayson's first time going on the big boy potty (been struttin his hot stuff all over the place all weekend. truth be told I don't know who was more excited him or Caleb)

The little miss has started rolling all over the place (especially her crib. freaking me out)

Lots of love (not all love mind you, but more hugs than headlocks were exchanged this weekend)
Lots of sweet baby smiles, giggles, and squeals

Snuggles and naps and prayers. And plenty of time with Daddy.

Soccer victories and hockey victories.

Good times spent with Papa.

Love from good friends (you know that saying "it takes a village to raise a child"...feeling so incredibly blessed and lucky, my cup overfloweth).

*Sigh*

Does it really have to end?

A Big Week

We sent this strapping young man off to Kindergarten on Monday. He is luuuving it! I think he would go all day if they let him (maybe I should enquire about that, maybe then he wouldn't torture Drayson all morning for lack of better things to do). He is excited to start hockey in a couple weeks. Loves his baby sister to pieces.

The sweetest gal in the whole world is now 4 months old

{13lbs 2oz (50%), 24 1/2" (50%)}

She is giggling and smiling (especially at Daddy and the boys). Rolling from tummy to back. And basically just looking as adorable as possible in all things girly that I put her in.

And Drayson, you ask. Well, he's just being his usual cute Buggy self. And he's real mad that he can't ride the school bus with Caleb (not that you could tell from this picture). His favorite thing to do is talk on the phone, so you may want to think twice about calling over here :) And he is up and moving on Caleb's old pair of roller hockey skates-watch out world.

Hermiston Family Aquatic Center

We have been wanting to get down to the Hermiston Aquatic center all summer. Well we finally made it. And it was such a blast, I'm so sad we didn't make the quick drive sooner. We loaded up the kids and picked up Auntie Kass as an extra pair of hands and headed out. Drayson had so much fun. He luuved everything about it: the pails that dumped water on his head, the lazy river, he wanted to jump off the side of the pool, he tried to drown himself a couple times swimming. And he really loved the big slide. He kept saying "one more, one more!" He would squeal and laugh and carry-on all the way down. This makes me even more excited for Hawaii, because there is supposed to be an awesome pool area and 2 water slides at the resort!! Kearyn was such a good girl and just hung out in the shade, nursed a couple times and napped all day long (what a life)! It was such an awesome afternoon and I am really looking forward to doing this for a whole week pretty soon. Hawaii in just 2 weeks (though I could do without the 5 1/2 hour plane ride)...is it wrong to drug your children with Benadryl--just saying :)

Still Here...

Did you think maybe we took off for a 4 week cruise or European adventure?

Not so much.

But we have been taking plenty of time to enjoy this summer together. Whether it has been lazy days packed full of World Cup soccer action or jumping on a warm day to run around at the sprinkler park.

We are just smitten with Princess Kearyn.

9 weeks old and growing. She is 11 lbs and 23 inches. She has been sleeping through the night for about 2 weeks now and we are loving it! She has started smiling and cooing and there might not be anything cuter in the entire world!

Drays had his 2 year check up. He is only a stingy 26 lbs & 33 in tall (25% for both). What he is apparently lacking in pounds he makes up for with charm. And don't let his size fool you--he is one tough cookie. Taking a daily beating from his brother is obviously paying off. When the nurse gave him his shots he just gave her his famous "stank-eye" and simply said OUCH. Not even a wimper.

Caleb could possibly be suffering from multiple personality disorder (I jest...kind of).

He is so helpful with Kearyn and can be such a polite and loving boy. And on the flip side he loves to torture his brother and test us at every turn. He is more than ready for Kindergarten and hockey to start up (and so am I). He seems to do best when he has a full schedule to occupy his days.

Chip has been home and it has been wonderful to have an extra set of hands to help with the kiddos. But I have to admit that it is hard to motivate to get all my daily chores done when everyone else in the house just wants to laze about and play. The other day I had a list with chores on it and underneath was written HAVE FUN (as in after the chores were done). When I saw it later on, Chip had circled those words and written next to it "Chip's job!" Though he really does deserve some downtime after his hectic spring schedule and all the Master's course work he is still doing. He is leaving this Friday for 8 days to go on a church mission trip to Mexico. This is something that he has been wanting to do for sometime now and he is very excited.

I have to admit I am a little nervous to do the single mom thing for 8 straight days and nights. I may need a vacation when Chip gets back!

But on the flip side I know that this is such a small sacrifice in the scheme of things. Chip will be running a soccer day camp with the local children while the team will also help construct a parsonage. He was thinking it would just be 30 kids max, but the long term missionaries in charge just contacted him to say that the word has spread about a soccer camp and they have had nearly 200+ kids come by the mission in the past week! I pray that these children and their families will be touched by God's love through Chip and the other missionaries. And that they will have safe travel. I am so proud of Chip and his always gracious and selfless heart.

5 Week Stats

9 lbs, 9 oz (50th%)

22 in (75th %)

2lbs in 3 weeks.

obviously a good eater.

still a good sleeper (most of the time).

getting prettier by the day.

2 Weeks!

And we couldn't love her more.

Besides being the prettiest girl ever (in my always humble opinion of course). She is such a good baby. During the day she is on a 2 1/2 hr to 3 hr loop of feeding/wake/sleeping. And at night she usually goes one 5 hr chunk at least (I fear I may be jinxing myself by writing this out loud). She hardly fusses at all and loves to look around and let her brothers love on her.

Kearyn's Birth Story: Part 2

After that first cry, the next hour was lost for me. I guess they got me stitched up and back together. Turns out I lost a fair amount of blood. And besides having to recover from major abdominal surgery I would be fighting anemia and all its fun side affects (dizziness, headaches, tiredness). Yuck. While I was out, Kearyn was checked out, OKed and passed off to Chip who loved on her until I rejoined the real world. She "milked me" immediately (Chip's words) and hasn't seemed to stop since.

For the first 24 hours or so I was thinking I didn't have it so bad. That's what happens when you are immobile and still being heavily medicated. As soon as they had me get out of bed for the first time, I was this close to begging the nurse to reinsert my catheter and let me be for the next 2 weeks. The pain. It was hell. The anemia was dragging me down even more. I started to freak out. How would I be well enough to go home and take care of my children?.

We finally left the hospital Saturday morning. I was feeling slightly better by this point. But no less afraid of what the next several weeks held for me. I cannot tell you how blessed I am to have my family close. During the times Chip couldn't be at the house, either my mom or my sister stayed with me. Chip's sister Kassie took both boys during the days. People brought food. I basically fed Kearyn, fed myself, drank protein shakes, and napped. Doesn't sound so hard, but I was exhausted.

Now in the weeks leading up to me being the mother of 3 children, I had thought about/stressed a lot of things. Never did I consider not being able to pick up my sweet Drayson for 6 long weeks. That means, not putting him in/taking him out of his crib (you should see what I've jury rigged up in that department...it involves a step stool and a bar stool). I also did not consider not being able to drive myself (but now I realize I don't really want to leave the house by myself with these 3 crazies yet anyways). Also not considered: scooting around like a 95 year old lady with arthritis, not being able to cough/sneeze without severe pain, not being able to do the most lame of chores,...and the list goes on.

I am not the only one adjusting. Chip has taken on my household duties as well as his own. He has done at least twice as many Kearyn and Drayson diapers in the past week. He "shuttles" the baby back and forth to me in the middle of the night for feedings. Both boys are in love with their sister. The biggest surprise is how much Drays loves his sister. Like nearing obsession. He wants to hold her and kiss her all.the.time. He hasn't shown any sort of jealousy...yet. Here's hoping this warm and fuzzy feeling stays forever (not holding my breath). He is sad that I can't hold him, the other morning he cried and I cried. It was so very sad. But for the most part we are good.

Long story short, this is definitely not how I imagined all of this going. And I would be lying if I didn't say I was a little bitter over it. But I will be forever thankful for modern medicine. For our beautiful and healthy daughter. For this life God has blessed me with (the easy and the hard). I feel ready to move into a new chapter in life. One where I am done bearing children and I just get to concentrate on rearing them. Our family feels complete. And I am happy.

Kearyn's Birth Story: Part 1

I've finally decided to sit down and write Kearyn's birth story. This was so totally different than the boys' births. Maybe I was a little full of myself, thinking I was some kind of 'labor rockstar.' Maybe this was God's way of saying: "Sara, you can not do it all on your own." If this experience has taught me anything it is this:
I must lean...on God, on family, on friends. I must say yes to help and not feel badly about it.

On Tuesday, April 27th we went in to get this little lady jump started and on her way. Now, in my heart I knew she would not be born until the 28th. We hung out for a couple hours waiting on our doctor who was taking care of an ambulance call that had come in. At 4:30pm I sent Chip on his way to coach his soccer game at 5pm and my mom came to sit with me (I know, I know, I am the coolest wife ever-not to mention a hard core soccer junkie). They broke my water at 6pm, but nothing much was happening. By the time Chip arrived back at the hospital they had started me on a petocin drip. As we approached midnight, I could see that we were in for the long haul and opted for the epidural. We labored through the night. 5cm, 6cm, 7cm....7cm. I was stuck. And at that moment in my heart I knew something was not quite right. At about 8am, my doctor showed up to check on me surprised that he had not been paged and roused from sleep in the middle of the night to deliver a baby. He checked me again, he looked confused, saying that the head felt strange. He'd like to check with the ultrasound machine. Turns out baby girl's "head" was actually her shoulder. She was transverse. Dr. H and my wonderful nurse Kathy exchanged looks and my heart fell. I knew what that look meant, it would be a C-section this time for me. And I felt defeated.

So after laboring for 14 long hours, the room was abuzz, prepping me for surgery. They would need to make a vertical incision in my uterus instead of horizontal to have room to remove baby girl. I was shaking with nerves. My head and eyes were fuzzy with sleeplessness and exhaustion. They wheeled me into the OR. I remember shaking so bad and they gave me something that made me even woozier. I remember dry heaving and them giving me something for that. Chip says I asked several questions...I don't remember. I do remember when they pulled her out and she wasn't crying. And they took her to the table and suctioned her and she still wasn't breathing. And all I could see was her little legs not moving and all I heard was silence because she wasn't wailing like she should be. And finally, praise God, the sweetest sound I've ever heard...her first cry.

Stay tuned for: Part 2

Has it really been a week?

Last week at this very moment I was laboring away.

So that this sweet little gal could join our family.

And now we couldn't imagine life without her.

Meet Miss Kearyn Faye

April 28th

9:50am

7 lbs 14.2 oz

20"

Via C-Section. Sweet as can be. The boys (and their Daddy) are in love. Mama's tired and sore.